This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
