you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
