May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
