Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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