I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
