lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
