Do you still have your period?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
