Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
