well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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