I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
