I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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