There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
