He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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