i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
