captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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