If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
