All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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