I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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