If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
