problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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