Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
