The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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