I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
