I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
