we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
