i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
