If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
