Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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