i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
