it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
