My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
