I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
