dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
