The maid of honor just puked.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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