My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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