it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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