girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
