dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
