i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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