You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
