My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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