she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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