I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
