oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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