just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
