VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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