I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
