I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
