I accidentally had phone sex last night
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
