this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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